2nd Annual Official Tree Cutting Exploration-Expedition Adventure, Extraordinaire (Weekend Edition), Part 1.
December 6, 2010 1:07 am Seattle
It’s that time of year. You can smell it in the air. Everywhere you go.
Fresh, live pine.
Yes, you know you love it and you know you want it. If you’re allergic to it, you might have suicidal thoughts. Don’t do it.
The 1st Annual Official Tree Cutting Exploration-Expedition Adventure (AOTCEEA for short, pronounced Ay-ot-see-uh) was a response to this primal tree gathering urge. AOTCEEA 1 involved an epic adventure including a long, icy hike up and through treacherous terrain with an axe and saw, carrying a noble fir back through said terrain, watching multiple people lose all control of their vehicles, and nearly getting killed by said vehicles numerous times.
So, of course we wanted to do it all again the next year.
AOTCEEA 1 involved much spinning of tires. Because the barely one lane roads stretching up through the remote mountains of the Snoqualmie National Forest during the dead of the winter do in fact, get icy, we opted for chains this year.
Pit Boss, driving his Honda Element (henceforth and hereto referred to properly as ‘The Element’) prepared for the adventure. We did the hour long drive. We went half way up the mountain. We put the chains on. Wait. What? What do you mean the chains are broken?
The Company, which shall not be named (as they later remedied the situation but still fucked up pretty badly) sold Pit Boss used and broken tire chains under the guise that they were new.
So that was a disappointing day to say the least.
After Pit Boss’ rage cooled, he went back to The Company later that week and set everything straight. We now had brand new, plastic wrapped, unbroken chains along with our healthy desire to get some fresh mountain air
When we arrived at the ranger station last week to acquire our tags (you tag your tree so the Government knows you’re not just stealing trees), they told us “the conditions were dangerous up there.” All the better to be on the hunt for the other real reason why we do the AOTCEEA.
Weekend Warriors.
Ahhh, the legendary Weekend Warrior. Some of the finest sets of atoms the universe has decided to put together. And what better conditions to find them in than snowy, icy, deadly, treacherous mountain terrain, trying to cut down their Christmas trees every year? Yes, this is one of their many natural habitats.
You see, the only people crazy enough to drive up there are males. I have yet to see a single female driver up there. This is not sexist, this is reality. So what happens? The testosterone starts flying. Big trucks. Bigger trucks. Knobby tires? Knobbier tires. Regular chains? Pssshhhhh you need the spiky chains.
My kind of place.
Really, if you follow these three simple rules while on the AOTCEEA, you are golden.
- Be Smart.
- Learn how to drive your 4×4 vehicle. Especially in reverse.
- Use Common Sense.
The problem, this doesn’t always happen. Examples:
- Smart, Knows how to drive, didn’t use common sense:
- A good father with 4×4 Subaru, his wife and two kids. No Chains. Slides out going up the hills, eventually backs down safely as he can’t make it very far.
- Knows how to drive, has common sense, isn’t smart:
- 4×4 enthusiast who is helping people get unstuck, but is giving people the wrong advice and getting them more stuck.
- Smart, has common sense, doesn’t know how to drive:
- Guy with brand new giant truck, helping people get unstuck by pulling them out with his awesome truck. Gets himself stuck in a ditch going reverse.
So of course I needed to document the AOTCEEA.
No one else was.
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