Vince, the Lovable Stoner

January 14, 2011 3:24 am Sir Haxington Stories

I’ve been working on this over the course of a couple of months, off and on, a bit here and there when I had time. To be honest, I had no intention for the story to be this long. It was supposed to be about as long as anything else I’ve written lately. However, once I finished the outline and started fleshing out a few parts, it was apparent this was going to be a doozy.

Anyway, the only reason I wrote this was because I thought it would be an enjoyable creative exercise and basically, to see if I could do it. Writing this story turned out to be actual work at times, but fun nonetheless.

Vince, the Lovable Stoner is inspired by the song of the same name by The Fratellis. A good friend of mine turned me onto the Fratellis back in my Treyarch days, but for some reason I never liked the song much until lately. Once I started listening to this song in particular, I found that I loved the small story it told.

In some ways Vince, the Lovable Stoner serves as a personal reminder that music tastes change with life. Everyone has listened to a piece of music they didn’t care for. However, time changes people, their experiences, their attitudes and their perceptions. The music we listen to, reflecting our mood and emotions will change as well.  How often have you gone back and tried listening to a song a younger version of yourself didn’t care for?

In any event, the story is still in a draft state, but I wanted to post it anyway. It’s complete, but I’m sure there are a few typos, name and plot inconsistencies, and mistakes in general. I’ll keep adjusting and tweaking here and there, but I was excited to kick this out the door.

…

—– Table of Contents —–

• Chapter 1 & 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6
• Chapter 7
• Chapter 8
• Chapter 9
• Chapter 10
• Chapter 11
• Chapter 12
• Chapter 13
• Chapter 14
• Chapter 15
• Chapter 16

—— Chapter 1 ——

Somewhere in a yogurt shop in Scotland, a woman smiled at a man.

—— Chapter 2 ——

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Vince’s alarm on his phone went off. 10:30 am. Without rolling over to face the phone, he flung his arm out jabbed his slender fingers all over the surface of the device. The alarm ceased.

He was groggy. He had smoked a lot last night. More than usual, for no particular reason. He was playing his guitar until the wee hours of the morning. He even had a few drinks. By himself. He was still paying for it.

The only cure for his collection of problems was to smoke more. Time for the ritual wake and bake. He thought about waking up, smoking, walking out the door, and finally taking his prize.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

The alarm went off again. Had he drifted off? He was sure he already smoked this morning. Maybe he dreamed it? He looked at the time. 10:50. Maybe just one more. He slapped at the phone again.

The alarm didn’t go off a third time.

12:15 pm. He was up like a shot, even though he wasn’t late for anything. Vince rubbed his face and his temples, trying to clear his mind. He only wore the pair of dirty jeans he had slept in.

He glanced to the left. His pipe was right where he had left it from the previous night, on a up-ended cardboard box near his bed. Unfortunately, he was fresh out of weed. If didn’t get some soon his world would be a lot less bearable.

He eventually resorted to the shake left over in his grinder. He scraped out what he could, loaded up the pipe, snatched the cheap lighter from the table and flicked it on. Waving the flame over the loosely packed bowl and inhaling evenly, his problems disappeared. The world became clear. Focused. Any physical ailments he had a moment ago evaporated. Life was right again. He was happy.

Vince blew the smoke through the window of the Bluebird bus that doubled as his home. He peered out into the junkyard, the same junkyard he usually parked his bus in. A few ten story magnetic cranes rose and lowered cars in the distance. Weed for Garret, the junkyard owner, was how Vince managed to pay ‘rent.’ The bathroom situation cost extra.

He daydreamed. The breeze coming in through the window gave him goosebumps. His concentration snapped. He found the nearest t-shirt at hand, slipped it on, donned a pair of loafers, jammed some shades over his red eyes and opened the door to the bus. He checked himself in the mirror before heading out.

Bedhead. Need a shower. Dirty? Matted hair. Skin looks shitty. Bet they’ll say I’m pretty… ah ha! You’ll be fine. Good enough.

He stepped off the bus and closed the door behind him. As Vince walked through the junkyard and made his way to the street, only one thing floating through his mind the entire time: the girl from Red Rush, a local yogurt shop.

Little did he know, Laurie, Mika, and Jules were already hot on his tail. He had smoked them out a few times in the past and they had partaken in a few of his late night hippy jam-fests. They now stalked Vince fairly regularly. In all fairness, Vince was a nice and lovable guy. He was tall, charismatic, in shape, and he had what most considered to be a handsome face.  If someone wanted Vince to smoke them out, he rarely turned them down. He was always happy to have company listen to his six-string pluckings, but he generally didn’t initiate social situations and he definitely didn’t invite many people into his strange life. Especially those catholic school girls. Dangerous.

The problem was that Laurie, Mika and Jules were now in love with Vince . They were convinced one of them would marry him.  A race between the three broke out about who would convince Vince to fall in love with them first. Tall, dark, handsome, and most importantly, artsy Vince was everything they could hope and dream for in a boyfriend. Their mothers and the nuns at St. Joesph’s would absolutely freak. Just what they wanted.

The three followed Vince down the street. They followed inconspicuously and watched as Vince crossed an intersection to head down Peffer street. If they ran down the Beech, went up Harewood, then cut him off, they could confront him. Find out what he was up to that night. Maybe relive some old memories. Maybe they would get to first base this time. They were anxious for more adventures tonight that would make their classmates super jealous.

Vince jumped back when the three popped into existence directly in front of him on the corner of Peffer and Harewood. Stunned, Vince wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“Hiiiiiii Viiiiiiiince!” Jules sang out first. She thought she would win Vince’s heart because she spoke first. Vince would pick her for sure.

Mika smiled on coyly. She thought maybe if she was less direct, Vince would want her. How could not want her? Such pretty eyes.

“So Vince, what are you doing tonight?” Laurie was direct. Maybe Vince liked that.

Vince had no time for games, not today. The entire way down Peffer he was rummaging through his altered braincells for what he would say to the Red Rush girl once he finally arrived. He didn’t know her name. He didn’t know much about her really, only that he was absolutely stricken by her. If there was ever a definition of a crush, this was it. She was his dream girl. Perfect eyes. The perfect smile. Perfect voice. Perfect hair. Perfect lips. Perfect skin. A perfect laugh which he’d only heard once.

He wanted to hear that laugh again. He had to get to know her. One date is all he asked for in this universe.

Vince was too high to get angry at the three school girls standing before him. He thought that if he maybe invited them over tonight, they would just go away. He could ignore them. Lock the bus. Close the junkyard.

“Ha, well you know where I’ll be. Where will yoooooou be?” he asked playfully.

Vince regularly answered a question with a question. He found it made his life easier. Answering a question is hard work, but asking them required him to simply make things up as he went along.

The girls swooned. He had played them like a fiddle.

Such a beautiful man. They couldn’t wait to impress him tonight.

“Weeeellllll we were thinking of coming by tonight. You know, maybe you could play your guitar for us like last time? Maybe sing a bit?”

They all secretly wanted to smoke again too. Something about those wonderful greens changed their life. Existing in Vince’s presence while smoking made life different. Other worldly. Everything seemed so much… better. So much more… fun after they had smoked. Listening to Vince play his guitar and sing was better than any church chorus they heard in short lives. They could barely move. They were entranced. Cloud nine.

The reality was they had simply gotten extremely high. Vince was a nice looking guy underneath all that grime, sure. He wasn’t even that great at playing the guitar. His voice borderline terrible and was uninteresting. But the fact that they were being so edgy, hanging out with a stoner, doing drugs and falling in love with him made the girls feel special. Breaking all the rules everyone tried to get them to conform to. Impressing their friends. Plus Vince always had killer weed and their tolerance was low. It blew their minds.

“Look little ladies, we can have some fun tonight, but I’m late. For a thing. I gotta go!”

He tried to brush by the three girls when tiny Mika stepped directly in front of him. She smiled and looked up into his eyes.

“Will you promise to play more than the guitar tonight?”

He wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

Weed? Or something else? Can never tell with these girls. Hmmm.

He probably would have been a bit weirded out by her behavior if he wasn’t high out his mind at the moment. Instead, he was just confused. He looked down at Mika, gave her a half smile, winked, and swung around her. He skipped on one leg, then began trotting across the street. He was on a mission. Today would be the day.

The three looked at each other and began giggling. They started making plans for later than night that would never happen. At least, not in the way any of them expected.

—— Chapter 3 ——

Vince made good time.  He flung the door open wide. It didn’t have a mechanism in place to keep it from slamming into the wall, which startled the few seated patrons enjoying their yogurt. Vince jumped at the ruckus he had caused, paused and stared at the door. That was, until he heard some laughter from behind the counter. Beautiful laughter.

He slowly craned his head towards the register. There she was. The girl from Red Rush.

She looked fairly plain in her company uniform. A black polo shirt covered her large breasts. A white paper hat rested atop her thick brown hair with pink highlights. Her slender build was masked by the counter and her loose fitting clothes. She had a punk-rock vibe about her. One more reason to be in love with her. He didn’t know about her multiple hidden tattoos or piercings.

Vince would have been more nervous but the THC altering his brain chemistry gave him an unprecedented amount of courage. To the people in the shop, Vince’s presence reminded them of the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow.

He sauntered over to the counter and tried to play it cool. He looked up at the menu, then back at the girl. This repeated a few times until she broke the silence.

“What’ll it be, love?”

He froze for a moment.

Don’t fuck this up… Don’t fuck this up…

“Yeah, alright then. You even listen to Minor Threat… Salad Days?”

“Excuse me?”

“Minot Threat. The band. You never heard of them?”

He didn’t really have a plan going in. He thought she might know a thing or two about punk bands, unless she was a poser. The slapdash plan he began to formulate on the fly would shortly be smashed into a million pieces.

“Uhh… no…”

“Well, you want to come over to my place then tonight? Give you a listen. See what you think.”

She was taken back by his directness but she also thought he was sorta cute. Definitely the stoner type. She hadn’t dated a pot head lately. They were usually pretty fun. At least for a little while.

Vince opened his mouth to begin another line of questioning when she cut him off.

“Look. I know your type. I could tell as soon as you walked in the door. Take those glasses off.”

He rested the shades on his messy hair.

“Ooooh yeah. There we are. Eyes are a bit red aren’t they?”

She folded her arms across her chest. He didn’t say anything.

She could tell Vince was infatuated with her in addition to being high out of his mind. He seemed a little nervous now, which was good. Right where she wanted him. She loved the power she had over men and she loved toying with them. She would enjoy this.

“Oh, I’m onto you! You think a stranger can just walk in here and ask me to their flat?”

He didn’t mentioned he lived on a bus yet. He started feeling a bit ill. He thought he had made a mistake.

“Look love, sorry about…”

“Oh, don’t you ‘love’ me! Not even going to answer me then? Tell you what, there’s only one way out of this now.”

“And what’s that?”

“You take me out tonight. Pick a place. Local. I like Mexican food.”

She smiled. He was shocked. He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly or that any of this was really happening at all. How high was he?

“Uhhhmmm… right! Mexican? I know a great place not far from here…”

“Good! So are you going to tell me your name then?”

“Right! Vince…”

“Billie. You said it’s not far then? How far?”

“Two blocks from here. Just opened. Los Ojos Rojos.”

“Right then! Meet me here at 6 tonight. Bring some… errrahhh… dried mint. It’ll make the meal taste better. Now get out of here! There’s a queue building up behind you!”

Vince looked over his shoulder at the six angry people who had piled up behind him, waiting impatiently to order frozen yogurt. He ducked out of line as Billie immediately called the next customer to the counter and apologized for Vince’s behavior. Vince waited to make eye contact with Billie but she remained focused on the customers.

His head began spinning. Somehow, it had worked. He had scored a date with his dream girl! And did she say to bring some weed too? He couldn’t wait until tonight. Absolute perfection.

Billie watched as Vince held his head up high and walked out of the shop. She knew she had just made his day and she felt a tinge of guilt. The guilt quickly evaporated as she thought about how she was going to juggle the remainder of the day’s work and squeeze in a dinner date before her night shift began.

—— Chapter 4 ——

Vince began trekking back to the bluebird to prepare for his dinner date. Along the way, he reached into his pocket and his hand bumped into something small and metallic. Could it be?  His one-hitter? Joy! The day could not get any better.

He managed to snag a lighter from someone taking a smoke break outside of a printer shop. He turned away from the stranger, whipped out the miniature pipe, flipped open the lid, lit the contents, quickly inhaled, then snapped the lit shut. Vince placed the one-hitter back into his jean pocket, turned back around, and gave the lighter back to the man who now wore a look of confusion on his face. The stranger didn’t see Vince with a cigarette in his mouth or hands. The stranger thought Vince smelled a little odd.

Vince was 20 feet away when he finally exhaled.

Ahhhhh.

Moments later, Vince’s phone began buzzing. He fumbled around in his other pocket and pulled out the phone. One new text message. John. They were trying to start a band together, and John was the lead vocalist.

“heyo lunch talk gig and plans for tonight”

Plans for tonight? What was he on about? Oooohhh right then. Going to have to cancel those. Lunch sounds good though. Getting hungry, yeah?

Vince texted them back and made lunch arrangements.

They met at The Cross, their favorite pub and jam joint. John, along with their other ‘band’ member, Barry, were already seated when Vince arrived. The three had recently snagged a gig but it had fallen thorough. Bumped for another band. Their would-be  audience dodged  an auditory bullet.

John and Barry didn’t smoke pot and knew that Vince was probably very high. He almost always was.

“Head up in the clouds again?”

“Hey guys, yeah, right. Any news on gigs then?”

“Yeah, we might have another lined up two days from now. Another pub. Scott’s. My sister knows the owner. You in?”

“Of course of course!”

“Right then! I’ll call them tonight and let them know. We need to start practicing then. We were thinking your place, then maybe go to Hooters afterward?”

This wasn’t the Hooters most Americans know and love. No, this Hooters was a fully nude mega-strip club. John and Barry were regulars, but Vince had never been. He wasn’t much into clubs in general unless he was playing at them.

“Can’t. Date tonight.”

“Not those school girls again…”

“No! No… Billie. Saw her the other day at Red Rush. Little bint’s been on my mind for days. Finally worked up the courage to ask her out. We’re going Mexican tonight.”

“Oh yeah. You told us about her. So it worked out then? Well don’t forget about your band. We need to practice the set before the gig.”

“Right! Tomorrow. We’ll do it tomorrow!”

Satisfied, John let up. They ordered food, ate, and talked about their upcoming show.

Vince had a hard time focusing. The only thing he could think about were Billie’s perfect pink highlights and the way her hair framed her almond shaped face. And those eyes…

—— Chapter 5 ——

5:30 pm. Vince had accidentally ignored time while catching up with his band-mates in his chronically hazy state of mind. He asked John for the time, who told him with a slight smirk on his face.

Vince couldn’t possibly make it back to the Bluebird in time to get ready for his date with Billie. Panic set in. He still looked like ass but John and Barry pumped up Vince’s confidence enough that he looked good enough to go on a date.

If she doesn’t like me for me then maybe it’s not meant to be…

He thought he should maybe write that down. That was a good lyric to a song.

Vince panicked a second time when he realized he wouldn’t be able to resupply his herb stash. Luckily he still had his one-hitter half loaded. It would have to do for the night. He could stretch it out. He was a pro.

Vince arrived at 6 pm on the dot at the Red Rush. Billie was already standing outside, checking her phone.

He was absolutely crushed by how amazing she looked.

Billie’s dingy uniform had been converted into a just-too-short skirt that showed off her long, athletic legs, complimented by 4″ heels. Her top-half was slightly more conservative, but only barely so. Ample cleavage was on display which caused passersby to shoot not-so-casual glances in her direction. She looked like she was ready for a night of dancing, not chowing down on classic Mexican dishes.

Vince felt extremely lucky and nervous all at once. He had a feeling the date would go well.

“Hello love! Errahhhh, Billie!”

Billie looked him up and down. She had him sized him up in and instant.

Typical stoner. Didn’t even bother changing his clothes since I last saw him. He better have some weed on him. God I’m Hungry. Let’s get this show on the road.

“Vince. You said this place was good? I’m starving. Let’s go!”

Vince led the way and tried to make small talk.

“So, you from around there then?”

“Nope. Raised in the country.”

This was a good sign. Vince liked country girls. From his experience they were easier going. And easier in other ways too.

“You liking it then? City life?”

“It has its benefits.”

“Yeah. Killer weed, erahhh dried mint, out there, right?”

There was an awkward pause until he offered her some of his delights.

“You want some?”

Without saying a word she stopped and looked at him. She had been waiting for him to offer the entire time.

He pulled the pipe from his jean pocket and handed it to her casually.

“No light? You’re kidding me.”

He tried to hide the fact that he looked ashamed. She pulled out her own lighter from her clutch and took two quick successive hits.

“Not your first time then? Ha, well it’s good stuff. Hope you like it.”

She rolled her eyes and handed the pipe back to Vince as they restarted their stroll.

“Huh. Not very strong. Where I’m from the stuff is better.”

“You grow your own?”

“Nah, always knew people that did though.”

Small talk about marijuana lasted until they entered the restaurant.

They were promptly seated. Billie continued to be somewhat confrontational about everything even as the pot lightened her mood a bit. Vince suggested tacos, she said he liked burritos. Vince suggested a good Mexican beer, she wanted a local Scottish Ale. However, Vince remained patient. Cautious. Waiting. It was all part of the game he rather enjoyed playing. He knew her high would be settling in soon anyway.

Finally, Billie’s high had caught up with her, although her mood could have been affected by the two ales she had quickly thrown down her throat.

She became more relaxed. Less guarded. She opened more about her job at Red Rush. Her favorite bands. She let him talk about music he was into.

He’s a musician too? Oh, the artsy type. No money. Where does he get weed from? Is he a dealer? Probably shouldn’t ask that. I like his eyes. He needs a haircut though. Jesus. Is he a project? Not my type. Oh well. Ha. He’s funny too. Cute smile.

Yeah. Maybe.

They ate. They talked about life. They were both happy with their food.

Vince paid for the meal with what little cash he had on him and Billie thanked him as they left the restaurant together. He put his arm around her shoulder which didn’t phase her. She wouldn’t have admitted it, but she liked it. It felt nice to to have a warm, honest and caring arm weighing on her body.

On the way out, it was time to either say goodbye or try to make the date last longer. Vince couldn’t find what to say next, but Billie already had his answer. She refused to look him in the eye.

“Look, you’re a fun guy. But I need to go home and get some rest. I have to get up early tomorrow.”

“Alright! I’ll walk you home then.”

“I’d rather not. I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”

“You sure? How far can it be?”

“I like you, so don’t make me change my mind.”

Awkward pause.

“Look, I don’t want you knowing where I live. I’ve had some bad experiences in the past.”

Vince felt a little guilty about pressing the matter. He was having a great time and he felt things were going well. Momentum was building between them. However, he could feel the balloon of the evening deflating and wanted the keep the air from escaping. Vince knew he had to let it go.

“Hey, alright then! Have it your way!”

Vince looked to the side, put his hands up and shrugged a little as he spoke. Some people might have interpreted this as though he was being a bit of an ass. Defensive, maybe. He was in fact truly sorry, and she sensed this.

They stared at each other for a moment. It was about that time.

He darted in quickly. She closed her eyes and turned her cheek. Accepting, but not giving in. They pulled apart.

They locked eyes afterward.

“Can I get your number at least?”

She paused for a moment.

“Ha, yeah, alright.”

Her number! You finally got her number! Progress! There’s hope!

Billie told him call her tomorrow, and that she’d like to see him soon. Vince couldn’t help but stare at her beautiful face as she waved goodbye. His eyes moved across the back of her incredible body as she turned away.

Vince stood in awe of the wonderful night he’d had. Soaking it in. He smiled to himself. He felt like he could fly. She was perfect for him. Just enough fight in her to keep him busy, so captivating men would kill to be with her.

Vince turned and walked in the opposite direction, back to his Bluebird to write some music about this wonderful night. He had to capture the mood.

—— Chapter 6 ——

Fifty feet away, hidden down a nearby alley, three jealous girls were kneeling in the darkness. They started in disbelief as Vince and Billie kissed then went their separate ways.

They decided to follow this strange girl they had just caught kissing their fantasy boyfriend. They hadn’t even gotten that far with Vince yet! They needed to find out more about her. Who did she think she was? Vince was theirs!

They maintained their distance and followed Billie like an elite military squad. Leap frogging. Using hand signals. They nearly lost sight of Billie when she crossed the street. The strange woman kept her eyes and hands busy with her cell phone the entire trip, oblivious to the fact she was being tailed by three young girls in the night.

Billie eventually arrived out in front of Hooters, only ten blocks from Los Ojos Rojos. The trip was short.

She stopped and finished her epic text messaging session as the girls blended in across the street. Inconspicuous.

In one felt swoop, Billie snapped the phone shut, spun around, waved at the bouncer and walked through the front door of the strip club. He let Billie pass through without checking her identification.

The three pursuants were shocked. They hadn’t seen it coming. Was Vince dating one of those kind of girls?

They would need to confront him about this. Tonight.

—— Chapter 7 ——

Vince was eating dinner again with Billie.

He made a joke. She laughed. Eye contact. Silver eye shadow. Beautiful.

Vince and Billie were dating now. Regularly. Snuggling on the couch. She’d come over and they’d smoke together every so often.

Vince was in his study in his new house. Billie just got off from work. He met her at the door. They hugged. They kissed. True love.

Vince was running around with two children. A boy and girl. Billie hadn’t aged a day. They weren’t smoking anymore.

The kids were long gone and had started their own families. Vince snuck a hit from a pipe he kept hidden in the back of the kitchen drawer.

Old man. Life almost over. He rolled over and there was Billie, smiling. She hadn’t aged a day. He closed his eyes.

Tap, tap, tap.

Billie was fading away. She looked mad. She screamed.

Vince was floating now. No, falling. He looked up and saw Billie. Smirking. Looking down on him.

Tap, tap, tap.

Her eyes glowed bright white. She spoke in a deep voice. Unintelligible. She faded away completely.

Tap, tap, tap.

—— Chapter 8 ——

Vince shot up from his bed.

A nightmare? I’m not drinking anymore before bed. I gotta smoke something different too before I sleep at night. Iceland Tiger is doing some weird shit and I’m pretty sure that…

Tap, tap, TAP!

Vince shifted quickly and looked over his shoulder. He thought he heard someone trying to break into the Bluebird. He rose from his make-shift bed, peered out the window cautiously and picked up a kitchen knife he left lying near his bed. He saw three short figures through the darkness, dressed in all black, knocking at the bus door.

He drunkenly stumbled to the front of the bus. Along the way he stubbed his toe on the leg of a bus seat and cursed to himself. He made it to the sliding door handle but he refrained from opening it. His foot was throbbing and he was clutching the knife tightly.

How the hell did they get into the junkyard? Fuck. Going to have to play nice. Make something up.

Vince began speaking through the door.

“Well, hello ladies! Look, I forgot about tonight, I really did!”

The girls looked scared and nervous for some reason. Were they excited about something? Vince thought they were acting a bit off, probably because they had broken into a junkyard at night. Junkyards are inherently scary places to begin with and they had never done this before.

Jules spoke up first, nearly screaming in response.

“Look we know you didn’t forget! We saw you with her! You ditched us!“

Her? How did they know about my date? I mean, it’s true I did ditch them…

“What? What are you on about?”

Buying more time.

“Yeah, the one with the pink streak in her hair? Yeah we saw you guys alright!”

Caught red-handed.

“Oh, yeah well I forgot to tell you guys I had a date, I thought it was tomorrow… I was going to say something…”

He began to feel guilty and angry. The Iceland Tiger and five shots of whiskey and flowing over his brain, combined with lack of sleep were wreaking havoc on his emotional well being.

So what? It was the girl I’ve been after for a while now. And who are they to come to my house and start lecturing me?

“A dancer? Really Vince? We thought you were better than that!”

A stripper? Ha! So they didn’t see me out after all.

“Haha, musta had me mistaken then, love! The girl I’m seeing works at the Red Rush! Nice try though, and good night then!”

The three girls all looked at one another and burst out laughing.

Vince’s blood pressure began to rise. His foot was really throbbing now. He gripped the knife tighter.

“Someone was getting a real red rush alright where she was going!”

What were they talking about?

“Sorry love, I don’t follow,” Vince said in an upbeat sing-songy manner in order to play it off like a joke. It didn’t work.

“Really? You haven’t a clue do you? Oh, this is too good.”

Mika spoke up.

“Vince! We saw you kissing… then we followed her… to Hooters!”

“And?”

“And? Aaaannnd… she walked right inside. Didn’t even get carded!”

He thought about it for a moment. He remembered Billie asking Vince specifically not to take her home. The girls’ story was entirely plausible. Doubt began to set in.

Was Billie lying to me?

“How do I know you’re not lying to me?”

“Since when have we ever lied to you?”

The truth was, they hadn’t. Vince didn’t know a whole lot about these girls, but he did know they had never lied to him. Something Vince actually did to the girls fairly regularly.

Vince was angry. Angry at himself for being a liar and getting caught. Angry about the possibility that the girls were right about the Hooter’s situation. Angry with the possibility that Billie was hiding something from him after the date had gone so well. Angry from the cheap whiskey. Angry that his foot was still in a significant amount of pain.

The pot wasn’t strong enough. The alcohol had won. His anger bubbled over. His words came out at a rapid pace with pauses in between as he waved the knife around.

“Look, get out of here will you! It’s late! I’m fucking tired! I don’t need you fucking with me! Get out of here before I call the cops!”

They all looked at one another once more and burst into laughter once more.

“Alright then Vince… you have your fun! Make sure to hide your weed before the police shows up!”

They turned their backs and left the junkyard, giggling amongst themselves. They felt a bit sorry for Vince. It was clear he didn’t know Billie was a stripper. But they also thought the situation was pretty funny. As they left they began to plan how they could take advantage of Vince’s poor luck to manipulate him into becoming one of their boyfriends.

Vince was left alone to his thoughts. He flung the knife across the bus which clattered behind some bench seats. He dug into his pants, pulled out his pipe and finished off the remaining weed he had left in his possession. He flopped back down onto his bed as his mind began racing.

A stripper. Never dated one before. Would it be that bad? Probably not. Good in the sack I bet. Naked in front of everyone though. But so what? But other people get to see her. Should I feel bad about that? No. She’s a beauty! But guys leering at her all night. Having thoughts about her. A bad environment to be in. In she into drugs? Like real drugs? Is she just dancing? She’s not giving handjobs is she? Or more? Why wouldn’t she tell me about this. Why would she? No, can’t be. She wouldn’t do that. She seemed nice enough a girl. Was she lying to me? Keeping something from me? What should I do? I’ll tell the boys. Maybe they’ll know. I think I’m in love with her. Can’t be. Stop it. No, what if you do love her though? God I think I love her. Should I talk to her about it? No, bad idea. She kept it from me for a reason. Can’t be good. She seemed so incredible. She still is! Maybe it’s all a lie.

There was a pause in his spew of thoughts. His mind drifted to his band mates and upcoming gig for only a moment. His neurons, soaked in paranoia, drugs and doubt fired up again. The large block of thoughts surrounding the philosophies of dating a stripper cycled about three or four times before he eventually dozed off.

—— Chapter 9 ——

Pain. Pain in his foot. Throbbing. Slowly. All night. Eventually bringing him to consciousness.

Vince didn’t have any more dreams that night, at least that he could remember. He didn’t sleep well though.

He went through his usual morning routine but the day seemed darker. Less bearable. He was too depressed to look at the guitar, let alone pick it up. And he thought he foot might be broken. He might have to go see a doctor. Maybe even call of the gig.

And then he remembered his freezer.

Vince waddled over slowly to the freezer. It was plugged into the Jerry-rigged electrical system a friend of John’s installed on the Blue Bird for a small sack. It was a fair trade.

He opened the freezer and saw exactly what we wanted. Exactly what he needed. A coffee can with frost on it. And inside? Well, you know the rest.

Vince stared at the guitar. He began to feel slightly elevated in mood, a familiar feeling. While he still hobbled, the pain didn’t bother him any longer. His hangover disappeared.

Oh wait.

Something.

Something isn’t right.

Vince froze and began to rewind his memory.

Any second now.

Vince let out a deep sigh.

A scene of actors entered the stage in his mind. He thought about practicing with his band. Then Billie walked into the scene. Billie and Vince’s bandmates began yelling at one another. The scene  faded to black and white, slowed down and stopped.  The scene repeated again and again.

He knew he couldn’t let his mates down.

—— Chapter 10 ——

They were in a break between the fourth song in their set when John finally brought it up.

“You’ve been playing like shit man! Sorry! But you gotta lay off the weed brutha!”

“I’m not even high!”

Maybe I should have smoked? Do I play better when I smoke?

He thought about taking a smoke break for a moment, then he spoke again.

“Nah, it was last night. Billie…”

“Oh that the pink streaky one? Ha ha, you fuck it up then?”

“No! Went well! Fucking girls came by though later that night…”

John smiled while Barry looked absolutely horrified.

“No assholes! You crazy? Nah. Girls came by and said they saw her go to Hooters after our date.”

“Oh what, like they followed her to the club?”

“Yeah! They followed her!”

“Oooooh, they love you then!”

“Look, so it’s possible…”

Vince launched into his conspiracy theory and explained the quantum relationship between Billie’s whereabouts and if he should care if he’s dating a stripper.

During the entirety of Vince’s explanation, John and Barry were thinking the same exact thing. This was their opportunity to get Vince to go to Hooter’s with them, once and for all.

“So look, I agree with you,” John said matter of factly. Barry nodded along with him.

“So there’s only one way to find out for sure.”

Vince knew instantly what John meant. He was apprehensive, but knew this would be the best way. John and Barry knew the club better than anyone besides the dancers themselves.

They would go and confront Billie at the club that night. But first, Vince wanted to see if Billie was willing to go out. How far good of a liar was she?

—— Chapter 11 ——

After Vince had made plans to go to Hooters with the boys, he set up the date with Billie.

Tonight. 6:30. After the Red Rush closes. The pub across the street? Why not.

Billie was already inside, at the bar, halfway done with her beer. She was kicking her shoe up and down repeatedly, on and off her foot slowly while texting on her phone. Had Billie been dressed like anything resembling her previous date with Vince, this naturally seductive motion would have garnered some attention. Instead, she was in her Red Rush uniform being ignored by every man in the pub.

At first Vince didn’t spot her. He was looking for her to be dressed more like… a stripper. He was slightly relived when he finally spotted her wearing more common attire.

Vince came up behind Billie and put his hands in front of her eyes playfully.

She stopped her rapid finger motions and froze, keeping her eyes open and still staring where the screen of her phone was located.

“High already are we?”

Vince pulled his hands down to his sides and pulled up beside Billie at the bar.

“Think you know me so well do you? I didn’t smoke at all today you know.”

“Yeah, right, you out then?”

How does she know me so well already?

He let out a sly laugh and looked the bartender square in the eye.

“Shot of whiskey then. Nah, make it two.”

Billie returned to texting, unphased by the drink order.

“You sure love that thing. Who is so important you gotta be on all the time?”

“My mum,” she said without looking from the device.

The bartender poured the two shots for them and walked away.

Billie sighed loudly, snapped her cellphone shut, stuffed it in her bag around her shoulder, reached out to the bar, picked up her shot, threw it down her throat, slammed down the glass and stared blankly at Vince.

Vince jumped back during her non-stop action. He looked over at his pored shot, grabbed it, paused for a moment, quickly downed it, grimaced, hissed, and began to take on the appearance of an iguana.

“Look, I’ve had a long day, I’m tired. I think I should head home…”

She let the sentence hang for a second. Waiting for him to pick it up and run with it.

“Short date? Alright then, I can walk you home then!”

Perfect, exactly where he wanted her. She was avoiding him. She wasn’t going home at all. She would head to Hooter’s, and so would he. Then he’d catch her in her lie and confront her about it. The perfect plan.

Billie pretended to think about his offer for a moment.

Yeah. He’s cute. I’m tired. This could be just the thing. It’s been awhile. With his type anyway.

“Alright then… let’s go,” she said as she threw some money onto the bar, plenty to cover the bill and tip.

Vince was taken aback. He froze for a moment, unsure what to say. He stammered a bit as he followed behind her out of the bar.

“So, you don’t care anymore if I know where you live?”

“You didn’t follow me home last night. You proved your honor. You coming or not?”

He felt slightly guilty, elated and relieved, all at once. He had managed to build trust with her. The guilt escaped quickly as he began to feel good about himself and where the night would be headed.

Billie walked much faster then him, even though his legs were far longer than hers. She seemed like she was in a hurry. He wanted to say something. So he did.

“What’s the rush?”

“Well, you’re making me dinner tonight right? I’m hungry so let’s go!”

He nodded and agreed but had he no clue what he was making for dinner or how he’d do it. Blind ignorance, faith and confidence guided him. He didn’t know what he signed up for, but he was sure it would all work out.

Getting to Billies place took longer than he thought. They walked for at least a half hour.

—— Chapter 12 ——

Vince was no chef but he desperately wanted the night to continue. Luckily, he found a way out of the cooking situation once he got to her flat.

“Look, so I gotta admit. I’m glad you let me walk you home. But really, I think it’d be better for both us if I didn’t cook us dinner.”

She stared at him blankly.

“Really. Honest. Let me just take you out or let’s order in. On me!”

Hmmm. It took him far to long to tell me. But at least he’s being honest. And he offering to take me out. Good guy. Fuck it. He’s not killing it for me. I didn’t come here for food anyway, although that sounds good now.

“Awww. Well, aren’t you a cute one. I have some frozen pizza in the freezer anyway. Can you at least make that up for us?”

Wait, so I do go up with her now? Did she just ask me in? She did right? She’s unlocking the door. She opened it. She’s walking in. She’s looking at me. Oh, she’s looking at me.

They proceeded up the stairs to Billies flat. Billie held the door open and closed it once Vince walked past her.

She secured the deadbolt.

—— Chapter 13 ——

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Vince was slow to wake up.

The bed was so soft. So comfortable. So unlike anything he was used to. He didn’t want to wake up. He didn’t want to leave.

Vince kept his eyes shut, enjoying the moment. He could smell a light perfume in the air. He thought about how last night turned out. He liked where things were going. He smiled. He felt a little giddy, even.

He opened his eyes, expecting Billie to be lying beside him, but he was alone.

In the bathroom maybe, yeah?

Vince stayed in bed and deluded himself for a few minutes, but Billie never returned. The only sound heard through the flat was the noise of the busy street traffic outside.

Vince slowly rose from the soft bed, dressed himself, and poked around the flat. Eventually, he checked his phone. A message from Billie was already displayed on his screen.

“Had to work call me tonight was fun! Lock door when u leave, key outside by mailbox”

Another message from John.

“where u at? went to hooters didnt see her be sure to show up tonight @ scottys”

Those three dumb girls turned out to be wrong. Billie wasn’t working at Hooters as a stripper after all, last night proves it. Plus she was at work again right now, at her actual job.

He could get on with his relationship and not have to worry anymore. However, Vince felt hollow. Billie wasn’t there with him the day after their amazing night. He wanted to see her. He wanted to make a deeper connection. He began his inner monologue.

Yeah, yeah, you’ll see her again. Get over yourself. She said “She had fun.” That should be enough. You don’t have to worry now. Just enjoy the ride. Man she moves fast through. Not quite what I expected. That was good though. Whoooooooo. Country girls!

More events from the previous night lit up his neurons. Vince felt warm inside. Happy. It’d fuel his fire for the gig he had tonight. He’d play the best he ever played.

Vince left the apartment and locked the door behind him, just like Billie had asked.

—— Chapter 14 ——

The gig was over and Vince’s hands hurt, but they felt good. His bandmates were very pleased with his performance. They wanted to celebrate and keep the good times rolling.

Fuck it.

As the three were putting away their instruments the owner of Scotty’s came over thanked them for the great show. He gave them their cut of the gig money and asked them to come back in the future.

Time to celebrate their awesome night. They spent nearly all of their earnings on beer and shots, getting drunk at the bar in the very same pub they had just rocked.

After an hour or so, the inevitable happened.

“Viiiiiiince, I know you hate Hooters but your girl isn’t there, soooooo…..”

Vince tuned out John, but his mind wandered. He was really drunk now.

Do you really want to go to the strip club? What if Billie found out? Would she be pissed? Disappointed? Things were going well between us right? Oh man, but we just killed the show. Killed it! Fucking fun night.

Fuck it. I’ll do it for them.

Vince lifted up off the stool, paid the rest of the tab then put his hand in the air and made lasso motions.

John and Barry looked at each other, laughed and shook their heads.

Before Vince knew it, he was through the door. On the street. Flashes of cars going by. People out and about. Light. Sounds. Laughs. Punching each other.

Fuck you! Ha ha!

—— Chapter 15 ——

They barely stood upright in front of the Hooters. The nearly seven foot bouncer eyed them suspiciously but let them pass. Thee three were a bit drunk but they seemed fairly harmless. Nothing the Hooter’s staff couldn’t handle.

Thump thump thump thump. Almost no other part of the music of the club could be heard besides the bass.

Vince, John and Barry walked through the entrance of the club and nearly fell over as they paid their inflated entry fee. The attractive hostess took their money and made small talk with John and Barry, regulars of the club. Vince stood back, taking this entire situation in. He was drunker than usual and very much out of his element. He was a little scared but the liquid courage coursing through his veins prevented him from taking any action. John paid for Vince and the three proceeded into the dark and flashy interior of the adult dance club.

Girls, girls, everywhere.

In the center of large, open room was a large stage flanked by two smaller stages, raised off the ground about three feet. Each stage had a pole, currently occupied by a physically perfect woman performing dance routines, all at various levels of nudity.

The vibe was a little overwhelming for Vince. Loud music and constant strobing lights weren’t helping his state of inebriation, but he managed to stumble his way over to where John and Barry had plopped down. They sat at the front of a smaller stage to the left of the main stage, their usual hangout at Hooters.

Vince stared at the woman nearest to them, spinning and gyrating as the barely recognizable Womanizer by Briney Spears ironically reverberated off of the club interior. John and Barry were settling in and getting their cash ready for crude placement onto the stage.

Vince was impressed with her athletic ability. He leaned back and stared, then felt guilty and looked away when she made eye contact with him. He wanted to look but he had trouble doing so. Something told him this is probably how its supposed to work. Girls dance, guys stare and pay. He wasn’t used to the strip club environment and began to feel uncomfortable. He worried a bit what Billie might think if she found out he had come here until he his train of thought was interrupted by the alcohol in his body and the stream of visual and auditory distractions.

John looked over his shoulder and said something to Vince and pointed towards the stage. Barry nodded along with him, but Vince couldn’t hear a thing over the base line. Vince nodded anyway which made John and Barry smile then turn back around. John and Barry began hunching over, fished for their wallets and pulled out what little cash they had leftover from the gig. Without any hesitation, John and Barry began throwing money on stage, which brought a brunette beauty near where they were seated.

The dancer began to get a little more personal.

Vince probably would have left the moment the dancer’s legs came down and wrapped around John’s head, but he was too drunk. He could barely move. Vince gazed on with a sick fascination and understood why John and Barry liked frequenting this establishment so much. He thought what he had going with Billie was far better. He began to feel guilty for being here at all.

What would she say? What if she finds out. Wow. That stripper is strong.

More money was thrown on stage as the dance became more and more lewd. Eventually, the extended, mixed version of the song wrapped up and a booming voice came from the sky.

“Aaaaaaaaand that was Stardust, Candy and Sally-Ray! Thank you ladies… thank you… next up we have a very special double dance coming at you from center stage! Please welcome Ruuuuuuby and Jaaaaaaaasmiiiiine for a little Daaaaaaaaay Dreaaaaaaaaaming!”

With his vision still heavily blurred and impaired, Vince stared to his right side. Barry and John had just leaned backwards to settle in for the show. They looked comfortable. John was looking particularly pleased with himself after just having a gorgeous woman’s crotch in his face.

The entire room went dark with low lighting, setting the mood for the dance that about to begin. The low volume, generic, repeating hip-hop music loop faded out and was replaced by Daydreamin’ by Lupe Fiasco. The seductive intro played for a few seconds, then a spotlight followed Jasmine as she came onto the stage.

She was a goddess. The fluid, seductive motion of her body held the attention of every male, and a few of of the females in the room.  Even Vince in his fully inebriated state focused his full attention to her and couldn’t take his eyes from her body. His mind began to wander into primal urge territory. Vince even initially ignored the entrance of Ruby who had come on stage to join her dancing partner.

Vince’s eyes finally darted away from Jasmine to look at Ruby. Vince’s eyes shot back to Jasmine, then back at Ruby. His focus only hung on Ruby now. She looked familiar.

No.

Imagining it. Couldn’t be. Can’t be.

Vince’s heart began to race and his blood pressure rose dramatically, but not for the normal reason one’s blood pressure would raise in this type of establishment.

He began to sweat. He began to shake. He looked to his right, to his friends again. They were still focused on the flesh writhing about the stage. They were clueless. Or maybe he was wrong about it?

Vince looked back to Ruby, who had now moved much closer to his seat. So drunk that there appeared to be four girls on stage, Vince looked for a sign it wasn’t who he thought.

The unmistakable pink streaks in her hair were irrefutable evidence of Ruby’s actual identity.

The next few moments came in a blur. Billie locked eyes with Vince for a moment, who paused her dancing ever so slightly. No other patron would have caught her stumble, but Vince, even in his state of impairment caught that she had recognized him. She carried on performing with a slight look of worry on her face.

A volley of emotions flew through Vince’s skull. Guilt for having come here had been replaced by disbelief at what he was seeing, and raw anger for realizing he’d been had. He felt stupid for having fallen in love with her so quickly and for being taken as a fool. Conflicted that his beautiful girlfriend was standing, partially naked in front of an entire audience. Confused, that maybe it was all a trick. Maybe everyone in the club was playing a big joke on him.

The alcohol wasn’t helping with his anger. Without having smoked any weed in close to two days to temper his mood, Vince rose up and began to scream.

“Why did you LIE TO ME BILLIE?”

Barry and John stared wildly at Vince. Shocked. They had no idea what was going on. They thought Vince has lost his mind. They froze in their seats.

“THAT HOW IT IS THEN BILLIE? HUH? GOING TO HIDE AND LIE AND FUCK ME? TAKE ME FOR A RIDE YEAH?”

Two large security workers had been keeping an eye on the three since they walked through the strip club door. They were already on the move.

Vince was no longer aware of his actions. Acting on raw emotion, Vince began to drunkenly clamber onto stage. He managed to grab Billie’s arm.

“DON’T TOUCH ME,” she screamed at the top of her lungs as she yanked her arm back. Chaos was on the verge of breaking out within the club.

The music played on and Jasmine was still half dancing, watching the bouncers about to rip Vince from the stage.

Because his body was so numb from the alcohol, he didn’t feel pain. Instead, he felt a jarring rapid movement, weightlessness then immense pressure across his entire body. He felt a crack and pop coming from somewhere deep inside him, again without pain. For a moment, he recognized the legs of chairs and tables and people.

John and Barry looked on in horror and attempted to rise from their seats. A member of Hooters security leapt off of Vince and came at the towards the two. Drunk and scared, they held up their hands in fear of meeting the same fate as Vince.

“You best be on your way. Don’t bother ever coming back.”

They left through the front door unharmed with the massive bouncer following them closely.

Vince wasn’t so lucky. Dragged into the back alley by the other employee made of thick muscle, Vince was thrown outside and onto to the cold, hard ground. His crumpled body landed with a thud. As Vince rolled over, his face was greeted squarely with a boot. Blood burst from his nose and began to pour out onto the concrete.

He groaned. Survival instincts kicked in which he was unable to take advantage of. He could only think of escape, but his body simply wouldn’t allow it. More heavy, well placed kicks came in a flurry, causing a series of audible cracks, Vince’s ribs buckling under the force of a legs twice as heavy as his own.

“If I ever catch you even looking at this club from across the street I’ll chase you down and next time I wont stop… YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Vince only managed to gurgle out what was a barely passable affirmation to the gentleman’s request. He heard the door slam shut a few moments later, then he passed out.

—— Chapter 16 ——

Vince was eating at a restaurant not far from where the Bluebird was parked. He had smoked some good indica only a few minutes ago which eased his shoulder and chest pain.

The waitress asked if he wanted any more coffee. He looked up. They locked eyes for only a moment.

She smiled at him.